Ann Coulter and Michael Moore to Wed
While the tabloids obsess over Brad and Angelina, the mainstream papers are in a tizzy over the latest announcement on the marriage front: Ann Coulter and Michael Moore, poster children for the right and the left respectively, have announced their engagement. The wedding is planned for this October. The relationship between the right-wing author and commentator and the left-wing author and filmmaker has prompted intense speculation over the last few months, but few people outside of their miniscule circle of mutual friends expected anything like this.
Speaking at a joint press conference, simulcast on The Al Franken Show on Air America and in the company of world’s most exacting journalist on our favorite broadcast, The Sean Hannity Show on Fox News, the couple seemed affectionate as they held hands and made cow eyes at each other on the air. Franken and Hannity each congratulated one half of the couple and shouted epithets at the other. “In my heart of hearts,” Coulter said, “I believe that Mikey should be fragged for treason like all his liberal friends, but when we’re together I just forget all that.” Mr. Moore said that Ms. Coulter had been unfairly portrayed in the media and attacked even by some of Mr. Moore’s colleagues, unfairly in Moore’s opinion. “The truth is, Annie is really sweet and sensitive. She has this bad image just because of a few hosebag 9/11 widows who are out to take her down. They think that just because their husbands were killed by terrorists, they can say anything they want, no matter how hurtful.”
Sources close to the couple say that the announcement is not a major surprise. Ms. Coulter and Mr. Moore have been intimate for some time now and friends have noticed their burgeoning affection for each other. Holly Brodew, a close friend of Coulter’s, said that she has enjoyed watching the love grow between the two well-known figures. According to Ms. Brodew, the couple does have more in common than one might expect based on the way they are portrayed in the media. “They both love walks on the beach, Scrabble and controversy. Of course, they obviously don’t agree on everything”, Brodew added, “but love conquers all.” A friend close to Mr. Moore, who didn’t want to go on record regarding private matters out of respect for their friendship, says that Moore told him “The sex is wonderful!”
The engagement did cast doubts on the longstanding belief in some circles that Ms. Coulter and Senator Hillary Rodham-Clinton were secret lovers. Many had speculated that the reason that Senator Clinton had been able to take her husband’s infidelity in stride was because she herself was having an affair with Coulter. According to Naral Raqashwuayilw (pronounced “ROCK-uh-shwuayilw), who has followed the Clinton-Coulter story since the early days, this announcement does not really have any bearing on that story, “any more than the fact that Bill and Hillary were married indicated that Bill and Monica were not having an affair.”
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September 10th, 2006 at 10:12 am
[...] The mystery of Saddam Hussein’s weapons of the mass destruction (WMD) has finally been solved. Operatives from the Central Intelligence Agency with the help of Karl Rove and Ann Coulter (recently engaged to Michael Moore, as reported exclusively on TFR), have recently uncovered evidence that Iraqi WMD had in fact been housed largely in Vermont, which explains why UN inspectors and US forces have been unable to find any trace of them in Iraq. Early yesterday morning, General Michael V. Hayden, Acting Director of Intelligence, made the initial announcement to an excited press corps in the CIA press room at CIA headquarters in Langley, VA. General Hayden had few details to give out, but indicated that the president would address the press later in the day once Mr. Bush had the time to be fully briefed on the implications of the discovery . President Bush gave a follow-up press conference 3:00pm EDT in which he said that this discovery finally vindicated his Iraq strategy. “We’ve had some detractators, some people who didn’t like, who felt we made the wrong decision in Iraq,” said the President, “but this cache of Iraqi WMD in Vermont shows that we have been on the, that the tack we took, that we were right to attack Saddam. The incredible work by the CIA, Karl Rove and Ms. Coulter has finally vindicated our strategy and I think we can all sleep better at night knowing that these weapons have finally been found and the Vermont traitors uncovered. Over the next days we will be talking to the leaders of Vermont and the UN to try to bring this to a peaceful resolution.” [...]